Singing The Daycare Blues

This is going to be a long one, my friends. I hope you have some coffee handy. A lot of people that know me personally have been asking about this, so I need to tell my story…

I really hope this is the last post I ever have to make about daycare drama. On Tuesday we pulled the kids out of the daycare they were attending, and they will be starting at a new place next week. I have cried about this for two days straight now. It was a very tough decision for us to make this move, but I think in the long run it will be good for our family.

Those that have been reading my blog know that I haven’t been happy with daycare for a while now. There were always little issues coming up, but everything really went south after I found out that Rylie was being isolated for suffering from separation anxiety. I wanted to pull the kids out then, but I was afraid to since that is where Rylie has been since she was 2 months old, so I worked with the management of the daycare to ensure that never happened again. And it didn’t. Then they raised our rates. Right in the middle of the year, and then again at the beginning of the school year. We thought about finding a new place then, but we didn’t. It seemed like every week there was a new issue that irritated us to no end. We still stuck with them.

Fast forward to recent weeks. Bryce started biting. For the last few weeks it seemed I was signing two or three incident reports every week. I was “talked to” last Friday about it by the center director. She asked me what they should do. I was floored. How am I supposed to know what to do about my kid biting at school? He wasn’t doing it at home (and other than the incident last weekend, he still isn’t), so I had no clue how to deal with it. It wasn’t like I could bring him home in the evenings and have a talk with my 11 month old baby about how we don’t bite our friends. Her suggestion was to “give him a pacifier to gnaw on”. Um, no. Pacifiers are not made to be “gnawed on”. What if he somehow chewed the end off of it and choked? I suggested since they know he bites, if he can’t be watched closely while they attend to another child, then put him in a crib, highchair, etc. to prevent it from happening.

When I dropped the kids off Monday morning, the mother of the other baby that is almost the same age as Bryce was there too. She is normally very friendly with me, but that morning she was actually quite nasty. I figured she was having a bad day and didn’t think much about it. When I picked the kids up Monday evening, her nasty attitude made sense. Apparently she had called the district manager of the daycare and I was told by the assistant director that I had to come in and meet with the district manager regarding this situation. Again, I was floored. I was so mad. Why is it MY fault that my child is biting? How ridiculous. It is NORMAL child development, and it was up to them to prevent it from happening. I didn’t understand what the meeting was supposed to accomplish. I left there that night with the intentions of never going back. I couldn’t believe that this was being made into such an issue. I know that Bryce wasn’t the first biter they ever had there. I know that for a fact because Rylie was terrorized by a biter for like two months. Did I call the district manager? No. Did I treat the parent of the biter like crap? No. Because it is NORMAL. It sucks to be the parent of a kid that is getting bitten, but the fault lies with the supervision, not with the child himself, or the parent. Especially if that child is still a BABY.

Once I calmed down later in the evening, Brian talked me into letting the kids go back the next day. He took them in and talked with the director again about how this wasn’t our fault, and there was really nothing we could do about it, and that they needed to monitor Bryce better during the day. She kept turning it back to us and insisted we attend this meeting. Fine, we’ll be there. However, we decided it was time for us to move on. After everything that had been going on at that place, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak.

I took Tuesday afternoon off and visited two daycare centers. They were both very nice, more educationally structured and MUCH less expensive. One had a more convenient location and better hours, so that was the deciding factor, because I would have felt comfortable sending the kids to either one. The new place is privately owned, so there will be no more “well, our corporate office says…” The owner is fabulous! She really wants kids to learn and does everything she can to get them ready for kindergarten. Everything is included in their tuition, which will be $72 less PER WEEK for us. If you wanted phonics or music at the old place, you had to pay $100 and $50 per month extra, respectively. We couldn’t afford that since we were already paying a ridiculous amount just for their tuition. Nothing is extra at the new place. Every child is taught phonics and music for no extra charge. She also provides diapers and wipes, breakfast, lunch and snacks. Oh, and I have to mention the playground! I have never seen such a huge playground at a daycare. There is so much room to run around, along with several different items to climb on, swing on and crawl through. There is even an area for the little ones like Bryce with smaller equipment and baby swings. Rylie will be starting in the threes class, since she is developmentally ready to be there. I think it will be great for her and will challenge her a little more. I was up front with her about Bryce's biting and she feels that it won't be an issue there, and says she knows how to deal with it if it is. I really hope this new place is as great as I think it will be!

We went in to the meeting Tuesday night knowing that would be the last time we were ever there. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I’m not going to go into every detail of the meeting since this novel is already way too long. Basically it was the same thing…what should we do? Brian and I both explained that we didn’t know what to tell them. They are the professionals and they should know how to handle the situation. The pacifier was their only suggestion. REALLY?!?! I finally just told the district manager that while I appreciated her meeting with us, we had already decided to take the kids out. I told her everything that had been going on there and when I told her about what happened with Rylie and the separation anxiety she said that I was “breaking her heart”. She had no clue what was happening there. I felt I had to tell her about the things I did because I needed to advocate for the other families that are still there. Sometimes parents don’t want to complain about their daycare because they are afraid that their child may be treated differently because of it. She took time to listen to everything I had to say and I think there will be some changes made there. At least I hope so.

It was sad when we left. I have been dropping my kids off there every day for over 2.5 years now. I have a close bond with most of the people that work there, and so do my kids. Some of those women were like second mothers to them. Rylie has several very close friends there. We didn’t make an issue of it and quietly gathered up the kids’ things. I walked out and didn’t look back. Unfortunately, Rylie did. Her teacher started taking her name and picture off of her cubby and she said “Mommy, why is {my teacher} taking my cubby down?” I lost it. (Just like I’m kind of losing it now.) I started having second thoughts. What if she doesn’t like her new school? What if the kids there don’t like her like the kids here do? What if the teachers aren’t wonderful like the teachers here are? What if they don't allow her to be her own person and have her own ideas? There was so much going through my mind. But it was too late. Too much had happened. We had to leave.

I received an email yesterday from one of Rylie’s teachers. She told me how sad it was there yesterday and how they didn’t even sing “ABCs” and “We Are Thankful” while they were waiting for their lunch because Rylie was always the one to start and get everyone else to sing. She told me how much she will miss Rylie and what a pleasure it was to have Rylie in her class. She went on to say that Rylie “was always ready to learn new things, very curious, caring and loveable”, that she was a great kid and that she would be someone very important one day. It broke my heart to read that, but made me happy at the same time. And while that email made me cry and is still making me cry, it also made me realize that Rylie is an awesome kid, and that she is going to do just fine wherever she is. There is something about that little girl that just draws people to her.

And to that teacher, since I know she is reading this – I just want to say THANK YOU! Thank you for everything you have done for Rylie, and for me. You have taught her so much over this past year, and I firmly believe you have helped mold her into the wonderful little girl she is. We will both miss you terribly. But this isn’t goodbye, my friend. We will see you. I hope you will always be a part of our lives.

I know this isn’t the hardest decision I will ever have to make regarding my children, but it is the hardest so far. It is all so bittersweet. It was hard to say goodbye, but I’m looking forward to a fresh start for all of us!