First came “why?” After every single thing I say. After about the 279th “Why?” of the day, I just finally have to say “I don’t know, sweetie” and that is usually enough until I say something else five minutes later that she feels the need to question.
Next came “NO!” I am trying my best to put an end to that, and I think Rylie knows that she is not allowed to tell an adult no. Now, whether or not she still does it will just depend on her mood at that very second.
And now we have indecisiveness. This is the latest in the recent string of “things my toddler does to annoy the living crap out of me”. She can’t decide what toothpaste she wants. She can’t decide which bathing suit to wear. She can’t decide what she wants for a snack. Grrrrr…just make up your mind kid!
Since I am all about full disclosure on this blog, I’m going to tell you a little story. It was definitely not my finest parenting moment, but I’m sure you all realize by now that there is NO WAY I think I’m a perfect parent. I’m going to slip up and do the wrong thing from time to time, and probably more often than I would like. And here you are, the latest reason I should be nominated for the not-mom-of-the-year award…
Wednesday is water day at daycare. It is also Rylie’s favorite day of the school week and we usually don’t have any issues getting ready on those mornings. Yesterday morning Rylie came downstairs in one of her “long” bathing suits. (That is what she calls one-piece bathing suits.) She doesn’t normally like to wear those because they give her wedgies, and they are a pain to deal with when going potty. I was surprised she wanted that one. Just as we were getting ready to leave, she announced that she didn’t want to wear that one and took it off, so I took her upstairs to get another one. From there on out, things are a little fuzzy due to the boiling point I got to, but it went something like this…
Me: Rylie, do you want to wear this new pretty bathing suit that Mama got you last weekend?
Rylie: Yes! ::puts bathing suit on::
Me: OK, let’s get back downstairs so we can leave.
Rylie: ::cue whining voice:: I don’t want to wear this bathing suit! ::opens drawer and pulls out a different bathing suit::
Me: Oh but that is so pretty and your teachers want to see your new bathing suit.
Rylie: But I don’t waaaaaaaaaaaaant to wear this one! ::turns on the tears::
Me: Well, you made your decision and picked that one, and now you have to stick with your decision. Let’s go.
Rylie: ::opens drawer and pulls out a new bathing suit:: But I want this one.
Me: That one doesn’t fit you well and it is getting a little ratty. Just wear the pretty bathing suit you have on and let’s go. Daddy is waiting for us.
Rylie: ::cue full blown tantrum::
At this point I think I literally lost my mind for a minute. I snatched the bathing suit out of her hand, threw it back in her drawer and slammed the drawer shut. I saw the look of fear in her eyes as the stuff on her dresser came flying off like you see in movies about earthquakes. Of course at that point she started crying for real. And then I realized how idiotic I was acting. Luckily no one was hurt during this scene straight out of Mommy Dearest. Needless to say, she decided she was happy with the bathing suit she was wearing.
I felt so bad. I apologized for losing my temper with her and using my “loud voice”. There was no excuse for my behavior. She’s two, and I’m, well, a lot older. I needed to be the rational adult in that situation, but instead I became nothing more than another irrational two year old. I learned a lesson, and I hope that never happens again.
I did, however, try to teach her a lesson too. I told her that when she makes a decision then she needs to stick with that decision. If she feels she made the wrong decision, then she can change that decision the next time it is presented to her. I explained to her that we don’t have time for her to put on a bunch of different bathing suits and that is the reason we pick one out at night for her to wear the next day. (I let her pick it.)
So now that I know what I did wrong, I need to figure out what to do next time that is right. I think I’ll head over to Heligirl and see if she has any advice for me. (And Jen, if you’re reading this, feel free to chime in!) I have to realize that Rylie is still finding her way in this big old world, and there are situations that will still be very confusing to her. I am trying to let her have her independence, but she also has to learn the basics of decision making. I don’t want to make all of her decisions for her, but there have to be limitations on the decisions that she is allowed to make for herself. One of those limitations has to include a time constraint. I am not about to spend thirty minutes in our already busy morning picking out a bathing suit. Nor am I going to spend more than a minute deciding which toothpaste to use when it is already past her bed time.
And don’t get me wrong here, I absolutely LOVE the age that Rylie is at now. I think (at least I hope) that you can tell by *most* of my posts how much fun we have together. We really do have some great times and every day we find time to play and laugh together. She is a very good little girl most of the time. I love that she has a strong, independent will, just not when that will clashes with mine.
So yeah, I am looking forward to her third birthday. They only call it the “terrible TWOS”, so when three hits this will all get easier. Right? (Remember…lie to me.)
I just wanted to add this because of Carol's comment... Rylie picks out her clothes every night for the next day. Lately, though, she has been changing her mind in the morning. Her dad usually lets her pick something else and that is the end of it. So the "long" bathing suit was actually her first change from what she had picked out in the morning. I'm fine with one change, just not with several. :-)
19 comments:
I think the terrible twos are fantastic birth control. I cannot tell you how many times I've done exactly what you did and immediately thought afterward, "Why does anyone ever have more than one child????" Of course the she does something sweet and I want 500 more babies.
I think it's good for kids to see you lose your cool every now and then (as long as you apologize afterward). Then they see that nobody, even mommy, is perfect!
Oh I think we've all had moments with our kids like these...arrghhh! So frustrating! Hang in there and sure, if you wanna hear 3's are easier, they are! Ha, but they aren't for our family!!! 3 has brought us more independence-he wants to do everything by himself, less willing to please his Mommy and Daddy and so on. So, if three gets better for you, let me know!!! like I said, HANG IN THERE :)
I think it's great that we both gave a mad shout out to Jen today! She is pretty much a God-send.
Anyway, I want to lie to you, I really do, but truth is truth and I love you enough not to lie to you. 3 is worse than 2, and I'm on the verge of saying that 4 is worse than 3, but I haven't quite made up my mind on that. With the 3's/4's come blantent defiance, testing the boundaries, talking back, and tantruming continues,etc.....prepare yourself and read up on it. Although, this is my experience, maybe for you it will get better :)
Now to help, I found that giving Cam options the night before school best resolved the time crunch and the indecisiveness. Toddlers/pre-schoolers have no concept of time, running late, etc. That means nothing to them. To avoid that I would give her two options of dresses/swimsuit whatever, and let her pick one THE NIGHT BEFORE. Then, there wouldn't be a struggle over it in the morning. If there was, I let her change her mind once and that was it, but that usually didn't happen.
From what I hear, things really improve when kids go off to Kindergarten...
I know I get most frustrated when it's something that 999/1000 times my daughter will do perfectly by herself, and then suddenly it's a big deal. For example, putting her in her car seat after we were done grocery shopping today. Even in my tiny car, it takes all of 30 seconds to get her in and buckled. She's generally very cooperative. But today, in order to get her in, I had to move her balloon. You would have thought I'd taken her left arm. The screaming was ridiculous. Let's just say I did yell and she did eventually get in her car seat. But on the drive home, I'm wondering WHY that was such a big deal to me?
I know it's only going to get harder, I just hope that each stage is a little different so I'm not fighting the same things for the next 3.5 years until she starts kindergarten.
~Erin @http://dreamingwithmidnite.com
Man I'm not looking forward to the terrible twos. Of course there is always good that comes with it too.
You've heard of the "terrific threes" right? lol Things will get better, I promise! And until then, I look forward to these posts so I can prep myself for what's to come. :-p
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I totally know what you are going through- like almost every mom will! Great blog by-the-way!
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Take It From Me
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I loved mine at all ages.. all grown up now and to be honest some of them sometimes act as if they are still in their Terrible twos..Children will always be children.. They are practicing to be good adults.. Lord it takes so much practice it seems.. enjoy each day with them they wil be grown and gone before you know it.. we have all lost it at some point and time.. you can only step back and say lets try this again..
She will continue to grow into the wonderful individual she is yet to become.. until then.. just keep practicing.. Have a great day!
Patsy
So sorry to say but the indecisive thing sometimes does not go away! I was in the store with my 7 year old today. we were doing back to school shopping and there were a bunch of t-shirts for sale. I told her she could pick one. OH MY! It took forever and ever and ever She could just not decide. It was so frustrating!
Jen here. Finally got away from my crazy day from hell to be with my bloggy buddies.
First, thanks so much for the shout out. I love that my experiences and research are of some help. You're a big support to me too, you know. :)
On to the issue. Props to you for apologizing after your blow up. I do it too, more than I'd like to admit (blow up that is), but the really, really important part is sitting down when everyone has cooled off and apologizing. The kids are learning that even mommy gets mad, however they're also learning that when you do something that hurts someone else's feelings or was wrong in some way, you apologize. Nicely played.
I feel for you with the control. Her being indecisive or changing her mind is another way to control the situation. I'm always offering choices, but usually only two. You can wear this swimsuit or that one. If she pulls out a third and demands it, then I'd say, "ok, but that is it. You must wear it." I've even had to count down from 5. She knows if I get to one I pick out the item. In those cases, she's having a complete meltdown and I force myself to stay calm and tell her I have faith she'll choose what she wants next time. I think you're doing the right things with allowing her to choose the night before and only one chance to change her mind. The trick is being consistent.
If all else fails, I'd move on to logical consequences. If she can't choose a swimsuit, she'll go to daycare without one and she'll miss out on water time. trust me, she'll do that only once. You do have to be careful how to do that however. You can't do it in the heat of the moment. You explain the night before that there is a problem with choosing a suit (clothes, snack, etc.). Choose a logical consequence that is fair and related (not having a suit so no swim time is related where taking away a favorite toy wouldn't be related). Then tell her how it will be - no decision = no suit and no water time. When she gets indecisive, remind her of the rule. Then you must carry it out. And when you're carrying it out you must force yourself to hold back all the stuff you want to say "you had a choice, you knew the rules and you chose to ignore them," etc. You can't pour on the guilt. You calmly remind her the rule was if she couldn't choose, she'd not get to have a suit or water time. Tell her you have faith that she'll make a decision next time. Be loving, but firm.
Hope this helps some. :)
It sounds like you have some wonderful advice. I think things do not get harder, they just become different. Hang in there mama...you are going to miss these days!
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I am your new follower. Great blog you have here. You can visit me at http://showmemama.blogspot.com
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www.fullhousemommy.blogspot.com
Hey girl Cheer up things do get better. I think once they can start reasoning and understanding better it helps. Also remember being consist is the key(I am not the best at this but it does work)!! But hey if you ever want to give her away I will take her...she is so stinkin cute!!
Ok...I am going to tell you that as soon as Rylie turns 3 it is all going to be better (but I am secretly lying..LOL). This is a fun age yet a very hard age. It truly doesn't get better until around 4. At that time they really are understanding more and can really listen. Believe me, we all blow up like that more often that we would like to admit :)
Oh so you mean that I am not the only one dealing with a 2 year old that can't make up her mind for anything... I am really hoping 3 is a better year!
You had your bat shit crazy moment. Congrats. I seem to have those a lot lately, courtesy of MY 2 year old. I'm told 3 is much worse. I fear I may end up in a straight jacket.
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